Three Things

Three things tonight...
1. MY class was great while I was away which earned them a little extra recess today from me. On the other hand, the other class who comes to me during the day for Math and Science...not-so-much...That was sad to hear, but the problem had all been settled before I returned from Hot-lanta, so I'm good. I had enough leftover sub plans to not really have to worry about today or tomorrow from a planning standpoint so I'm pretty happy about all of that...
2. WOW, I so did not know my lines as well as I thought I did at Kidstuf practice tonight. I felt like such a loser and like I was wasting everyone's time. I was feeling better about it all by the time we left, but it doesn't change the fact that I hated not being prepared...lesson learned there...
3. I've had some pretty lengthy email discussions today and they've been pretty fun...If you're reading this, you most likely know that I'm rarely a "take things seriously" kind of person. I'd much rather goof off and not be serious...ever...but prehaps this is not always best. I typically don't share my deeper thoughts (this blog not-with-standing) and my email correspondent for the day strongly encouraged me to take steps to be ready and willing to share my feelings. This really got me thinking about why I don't share much. It's not a personal thing against anyone. I mean, I don't really even tell Nick much either and he's my hubby... I think it's possibly because I have this deep down fear that if people knew many things about who I really am, then I'm less in control. For the most part, control is a big issue for me in many areas of my life. Not that I want to be in charge of everything, but more like I always want to be in charge of me. This is probably one of the main reasons why I'll never get drunk...the idea of not knowing what I'm doing totally freaks me out... Perhaps this is because I spent much of my childhood being controlled, all of my actions, decisions, and to a certain extent even my thoughts, were controlled by others. I never wanted to step out of line or do anything that was contradictory of what was expected of me, therefore, I had no real control over what I did. Don't get me wrong...I love that way I was raised. I don't regret not having very much freedom or anything like that because instead I was given a firm foundation that taught me the importance of family and commitment. A great thing about staying pretty grounded as a child/young adult is that I don't really have any regrets. But, I digress...all this is to say that basically, I don't know why I don't talk about my feelings much. I more than happy to write about them and honestly, I'm much more open when I don't have to look into anyone's eyes when I'm sharing my thoughts and feelings...anywho...this is enough spilling my guts for now...I'm totally finished...and now I'm going to bed...
~Blevins - out!