Atlanta and Other Musings...

Well, I'm in Atlanta, GA right now. I truly love ATL...I think if I ever convinced Nick to move, it would definitely be down here to the peach state. I'm not sure why I love it so much. Maybe it reminds me of simpler times, a slower pace of life, gentility, comfort? Who knows...

I guess I'm finally excited about going to the Drive Conference tonight (and the next two days). I must say that these type of events are not something that get me fired up or anything. I know my husband loves them and he (and being in Atlanta) are really the only reasons I'm here right now. Lord knows I hate making sub plans and it was almost the death of me, but I'd do anything to make my hubby happy (except having a child in the next year or two...). I think one of the reasons why I'm conflicted about being here is that it always challenges my status quo. There are times when you experience events and moments that change who you are and how you look at things...perhaps I didn't really want to come because I know deep down that this will be one of those moments...Nick is somewhat of a restless soul. He reminds me of my dad in this way. He's always looking for the next thing, the next challenge, the next step...I, however, am perfectly content to stay where I am. When I finally get happy/comfortable, I don't want anything to change. I am never looking for the next step because I am happy with my current step. I'm sure many people have no idea what I'm rambling on about, but what better place to ramble on about things that are on my mind than my blog?! (Keeping in mind that I can only think of about three people who even read this thing)

Sometimes, I just wish I could see things how God sees things...this may seem totally random and out of the blue, but my earlier comments have gotten me to start thinking in "what if's." (...which I love/hate to do...) What if God wants me to do this, be here, say that, take this chance, make that change, be bold and courageous?....in other words...just trust Him more. It's just so hard to know what God is thinking...planning...urging...All I do know is, is that he's constantly loving. Even when I drag my feet, have a tantrum, live in a conundrum of self-doubt and fear...he's still loving me. I often wonder, what does God think about me when I say...no way, I'd never do that...or when I say, I'm too scared to take that risk? Is he saying...yep, that's Jennifer...I wish she'd just trust me...why does she constantly doubt my love and my plan? or does he just laugh and say...will she ever learn? This is why I say, wouldn't it be nice to just put on God's shades for five seconds and take a look at my life through them. What a great way to get things into perspective? Would I look at my right here and now, would I look at my future, would I look at my past? It's an interesting question I think...maybe I'll get some answers this week...if I do, I'm sure it won't be the answers I want to hear, so I'll probably ignore them...Oh what is God going to do with me?
~Blevins - out!