Well...how fitting that my last blog was about Mother's Day and now it's a month later...already time for Father's Day...where has time gone?
My dad is pretty much the best dad in the whole wide world. I don't know that I've ever met anyone as smart as he is, he knows everything about everything. He really could have been anything in the world he wanted to be, a doctor, a lawyer, even president...but he chose to dedicate his life to telling others about God's love...how awesome is that?! It's something that I will always admire about him. When I think about my life growing up, I think about how hard of a worker my dad is. He's always given everything he has to the church and to our family. Some of my fondest memories are the trips we've taken together as a family. I remember going out in to "the deep water" in the ocean when I was little. Dad would take me out on this round float with handles and let me ride in to shore on the waves. There were times when I would totally get churned, but no matter what, dad's strong hand would pull me up out of the water. I remember all of our fun trips to Washington, DC and Williamsburg and other fun historical places (which is where I got my love of history). I remember Dad dropping me off for my freshman year at Furman and that last hug when he was leaving me behind...walking me down the aisle on my wedding day...leading Nick and I through our vows...supporting us when Nick decided to go into ministry full time, even though I know it was hard. All in all, I think my dad is the best...and here's to him...Happy Father's Day Daddy! I love you!
Happy Mother's Day!
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Sooo…I’m a day late, but this was a crazy weekend. I just wanted to do a quick shout-out to my mom for Mother’s Day! I like many things about Mother’s Day, but I think that my favorite part of this holiday is the fact that it really is a time to stop and reflect about our moms. My mom is pretty much awesome. I can’t just pick out one or two favorite “mom” memories, because we do so much together. I love how every time I go to visit, we make our patented trip to Target and other random places. She knows I don’t care where we go as long as we’re hanging out. I love how she cries at Gilmore Girls and Leave it to Beaver. I love the fact that she’s always thinking about me and proud of me, no matter where I am or what I do. I love that she’s on facebook and is cool with that being one of our primary means of communication (she knows I’m not good on the phone). But most of all, I love the fact that she’s my mom. She’s always loved me and taken care of me and she always will…she’s just amazing that way…thanks mom for being so great! Happy Mother’s Day! I love you!
And Happy Mother's Day to the other moms (and soon to be moms) that read my blog...you're all wonderful!
~Blevins - out!
And Happy Mother's Day to the other moms (and soon to be moms) that read my blog...you're all wonderful!
~Blevins - out!
There's a Song in My Head...
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I'm sure, just like me, you get songs stuck in your head from time to time...Sometimes, I get songs stuck in my head, that are highly inappropriate (at least, I think so anyway...) For example, sometimes I get that one song by the All American Rejects stuck in my head..."Hope it Gives You H-e-double hockey sticks." Other times I get "Baby Got Back," or a myriad of Justin Timberlake songs (whom I love), all of which have inappropriate lyrics...Not all of the songs I get stuck in my head have bad lyrics, sometimes I get songs from church stuck in my head or even television jingles...This gets me to my purpose (if you believe there is one...). I have a standby song that gets stuck in my head all the time...this song is always in my head somehow and if I'm still for more than five minutes this song starts playing in my head, and unfortunately, I only know the first part...I know you're wondering what song I'm talking about...I bet you're totally sitting on the edge of your seat...just hoping I'll divulge this wonderful song that I sing each and everyday of my life...Now, you're probably thinking that since this is me we're talking about, that this song must have some special meaning, or it must be deeply symbolic or perhaps even spriritual...Well, I hate to disappoint you, but...the song of which I'm speaking...is none other than..."Kung Fu Fighting." It's true. I have no idea why, but this song is always playing somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind. I truly don't get it, but apparently this song gets me, because it's never far away from me. I am now going to officially dedicate this post to this catchy tune that has become a staple in my life. In order to honor it properly, I shall post the lyrics here so that all can enjoy this song that I apparently love sooo much...
Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing
They were funky China men from funky Chinatown
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It's an ancient Chineese art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip
Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing
There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung
He said here comes the big boss, lets get it on
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand
The sudden motion made me skip now we're into a brand knew trip
Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they did it with expert timing(repeat)..make sure you have expert timing
Kung-fu fighting, had to be fast as lightning
And...now that I've looked up these lyrics, I realize, that I had no idea of the real words in this song...it is even more random than I originally thought, and it is officially the product of a "one hit wonder"...no shocker there...here are the lyrics that I sing for this song...over and over and over again..."Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting...those fists were fast as lightning...even though it is a little bit frightning...everybody was Kung Fu Fighting..." And there you have it folks...
~Blevins - out!
A Little Bit of Random Never Hurt Anybody...
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So...I've been somewhat of a slacker lately on blogging...especially when it comes to the personal everyday stuff that's going on in my life. In order to remedy this, I thought I'd give a few "random" things that have happened to me recently...in case you wanted to know...
Random Event #1
We got a tetherball pole at school...in a word, it is AMAZING...wow, I had no idea how much I would love tetherball. Despite the fact that I have a jammed middle finger on my right hand (it's almost fully healed now...), I have really enjoyed playing and the exercise that goes along with it. It's also kinda funny to see kids get busted in the face...obviously it's not funny if they actually get hurt, but the head snapping back action never really gets old...
Random Event #2
Occurred on Sunday, April 26, 2009
So...it's been really really hot the past few days and I decided to wear capris on Sunday to church. Now...this is the first truly warm weather we've had, which means I have not been in the sun since last summer/fall. When I put on my capris, I looked down and realized that my legs looked really really white...so white that I was actually a little embarrassed...To remedy this problem, I went digging through my random toiletries looking for a little sunless tanner...big mistake! Now, I know you're automatically thinking that I turned my legs orange or that they ended up looking all streaky and you're possibly contemplating the notion of skipping on ahead to Random Event #3, but you're gonna need to read on to find out what really happened...just trust me...So anyway, I found some sunless tanner (it was the foam kind with a pump...I think it's called Fake Bake...it was actually pretty expensive...). I jumped right in and "pumped" so tanner on my left leg. It looked like it was a kinda weird color, but I went ahead and rubbed it in anyway...here's where the problem began...As I rubbed in the foam, I noticed that my leg was not really looking tan...actually...it was looking green...I kept rubbing and quickly realized, that my leg was actually turning green instead of tan. Oh no! As panic began to sink in, I decided to quickly try and wash the sunless tanner off of my leg. Well, if you know anything about the permanency of sunless tanner, you would know that it is very difficult to wash off. I scrubbed and srubbed to no avail. My leg had officially turned green! Unfortunately, it was almost time for me to leave for church and I had no other clothes prepared to wear, so I had to go in my capris with one pastey white leg, and one slightly greenish tinted leg. In my bathroom my leg didn't look all that green, however, I was at church for no less than ten minutes before my ever so observant husband (this last phrase is laced with sarcasm...he's the person who didn't notice I had 10 inches cut from my hair...on two separate occasions!), noticed something different about my leg. He asked me about it in front of a semi-large group of people, so I just shrugged it off, hoping he would take the hint, and stop asking me about it. He did not. I had to tell him that I'd fill him in on it later. Of course I told him what happened and he thought it was hysterical. He kept bringing up my leg in random conversation and pretended like it was really bruised. He'd say stuff like, "don't be upset because your leg is all bruised," which of course would then make people look at my leg...he can be such a pain sometimes...but I love him. Just another "Jennifer moment" for ya. Thankfully, I was able to exfoliate my leg enough on Monday morning that all green coloration had disappeared prior to going to work...yeah...
Random Event #3
Occurred Last Night (April 27, 2009)
As I was leaving CCC last night and heading to my car, I saw a weird "thing" on the side walk in front of my car...It looked kinda weird, maybe a little like a rock or something...Well, I as I got a little closer I realized it was a turtle! I'm not talking about a cute little turtle that you have in an aquarium and it swims around looking all cute. This guy's shell was about 8 to 10 inches in diameter with almost spikey looking things along the center of it's shell. It had a long, strange looking tail, and it was just not cute...at all (and I really like most animals...I was just not digging this turtle). Then, some of my weirdness began to set in. I quickly became terrified to walk to my car. I ran inside to get Nick and he came out to see what the big deal was. He agreed that this was a very strange thing to find on the side walk in the middle of a business park in White Marsh. I asked him to touch it to see if it was ok. Nick nudged the back end of the turtle with his foot, and it did this weird thing where it stuck it's butt up in the air. I jokingly asked Nick if we had found the missing link because when the turtle stuck his butt in the air, his long creepy tail became even more noticable. After observing the turtle for a moment, Nick walked me to my car and I got in feeling pretty safe (even though at one point on my way home, my shoe fell off and when I felt it touch my foot, I panicked, thinking it was the turtle...I know, I'm insane). Then tonight I saw a fox run out in front of my car...I'm feeling like I should be on Animal Kingdom or something like that...
So there are a few random things that have happened in the past three days...hope it gave you a break from the day to day and maybe made you smile a little...
~Blevins - out!
Random Event #1
We got a tetherball pole at school...in a word, it is AMAZING...wow, I had no idea how much I would love tetherball. Despite the fact that I have a jammed middle finger on my right hand (it's almost fully healed now...), I have really enjoyed playing and the exercise that goes along with it. It's also kinda funny to see kids get busted in the face...obviously it's not funny if they actually get hurt, but the head snapping back action never really gets old...
Random Event #2
Occurred on Sunday, April 26, 2009
So...it's been really really hot the past few days and I decided to wear capris on Sunday to church. Now...this is the first truly warm weather we've had, which means I have not been in the sun since last summer/fall. When I put on my capris, I looked down and realized that my legs looked really really white...so white that I was actually a little embarrassed...To remedy this problem, I went digging through my random toiletries looking for a little sunless tanner...big mistake! Now, I know you're automatically thinking that I turned my legs orange or that they ended up looking all streaky and you're possibly contemplating the notion of skipping on ahead to Random Event #3, but you're gonna need to read on to find out what really happened...just trust me...So anyway, I found some sunless tanner (it was the foam kind with a pump...I think it's called Fake Bake...it was actually pretty expensive...). I jumped right in and "pumped" so tanner on my left leg. It looked like it was a kinda weird color, but I went ahead and rubbed it in anyway...here's where the problem began...As I rubbed in the foam, I noticed that my leg was not really looking tan...actually...it was looking green...I kept rubbing and quickly realized, that my leg was actually turning green instead of tan. Oh no! As panic began to sink in, I decided to quickly try and wash the sunless tanner off of my leg. Well, if you know anything about the permanency of sunless tanner, you would know that it is very difficult to wash off. I scrubbed and srubbed to no avail. My leg had officially turned green! Unfortunately, it was almost time for me to leave for church and I had no other clothes prepared to wear, so I had to go in my capris with one pastey white leg, and one slightly greenish tinted leg. In my bathroom my leg didn't look all that green, however, I was at church for no less than ten minutes before my ever so observant husband (this last phrase is laced with sarcasm...he's the person who didn't notice I had 10 inches cut from my hair...on two separate occasions!), noticed something different about my leg. He asked me about it in front of a semi-large group of people, so I just shrugged it off, hoping he would take the hint, and stop asking me about it. He did not. I had to tell him that I'd fill him in on it later. Of course I told him what happened and he thought it was hysterical. He kept bringing up my leg in random conversation and pretended like it was really bruised. He'd say stuff like, "don't be upset because your leg is all bruised," which of course would then make people look at my leg...he can be such a pain sometimes...but I love him. Just another "Jennifer moment" for ya. Thankfully, I was able to exfoliate my leg enough on Monday morning that all green coloration had disappeared prior to going to work...yeah...
Random Event #3
Occurred Last Night (April 27, 2009)
As I was leaving CCC last night and heading to my car, I saw a weird "thing" on the side walk in front of my car...It looked kinda weird, maybe a little like a rock or something...Well, I as I got a little closer I realized it was a turtle! I'm not talking about a cute little turtle that you have in an aquarium and it swims around looking all cute. This guy's shell was about 8 to 10 inches in diameter with almost spikey looking things along the center of it's shell. It had a long, strange looking tail, and it was just not cute...at all (and I really like most animals...I was just not digging this turtle). Then, some of my weirdness began to set in. I quickly became terrified to walk to my car. I ran inside to get Nick and he came out to see what the big deal was. He agreed that this was a very strange thing to find on the side walk in the middle of a business park in White Marsh. I asked him to touch it to see if it was ok. Nick nudged the back end of the turtle with his foot, and it did this weird thing where it stuck it's butt up in the air. I jokingly asked Nick if we had found the missing link because when the turtle stuck his butt in the air, his long creepy tail became even more noticable. After observing the turtle for a moment, Nick walked me to my car and I got in feeling pretty safe (even though at one point on my way home, my shoe fell off and when I felt it touch my foot, I panicked, thinking it was the turtle...I know, I'm insane). Then tonight I saw a fox run out in front of my car...I'm feeling like I should be on Animal Kingdom or something like that...
So there are a few random things that have happened in the past three days...hope it gave you a break from the day to day and maybe made you smile a little...
~Blevins - out!
Weekend Word - Part VII
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“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Don’t we all need to read this verse from time to time…I feel like given the pace of my life, this is another verse, just like last week, I should probably read everyday.
Who among us does not know what it’s like to feel totally week…totally exhausted…like we couldn’t take another step?...and I don’t just mean physically, I mean emotionally and spiritually as well. Perhaps you’ve taken so many hits to your self-esteem you can’t imagine ever being able to take a chance again…you’ve experience such great loss that you don’t think you will or could ever be happy…you’ve been waiting and waiting for God to renew your spirit and it just hasn’t happened and you’re feeling utterly lost, alone, and hopeless…these are what I consider to be “weary and heavy burden” moments…
“I will give you rest”…relief…I’ll take those problems for a while…I’ll give you joy, peace, love, hope…I will renew your strength…I love you…let me show you…don’t try to handle this alone…I can take it…trust me…
Now, I can be a little Rob Bell-is this week, because I’ve actually heard people (him) talk about what it means to take on a teacher’s “yoke.” (although, I’m sure I’ll most likely butcher the meaning of this because I totally just write this stuff from the top of my head…there’s no extra research involved…it’s the weekend…I don’t have that kind of energy or drive…I’ll just say it’s on one of his Nooma dvd’s so you should probably just watch it to get the real info). I think that in Jewish culture, when you chose to identify yourself with a particular rabbi or teacher, you would take on their “yoke.” That meant that you would take on their teachings. Then it would be your job to pass those teachings and ideas on to others. So, when Jesus said that His “yoke is easy” and “His burden is light,” He’s letting us know that we’re not going to be taking on this impossible task by being His follower. It’s doable, it’s achievable. He even says it easy…and that He'll be easy on us...He's humble...not the kind of know it all that you can't stand to be around...and when you get something wrong, or fail a little, He's not gonna beat you...He'll be loving and gentle
Now, I don’t want to disagree with what Jesus says here…so please don’t think that’s what I’m doing, but I don’t really necessarily feel that His burden is light. I see His burden as being death on the cross…death to self…and the burden of reaching the world with His love and power…I mean, perhaps that’s not what He’s talking about here, but I take it as a very heavy burden. However, it's not a hopeless one…not one that I carry alone. Maybe that’s why He considers it “light.” Perhaps it’s light, because it’s shared by all Christians…and Jesus is holding up the heavy side…What an awesomely cool God we have…I feel like that sounds kinda corny, but how else can you describe someone who’s willing to take on our heart aches, struggles, pain, and sorrow so that we don’t have to? I think that’s pretty awesomely cool in my mind…don’t you?
~Blevins – out!
Don’t we all need to read this verse from time to time…I feel like given the pace of my life, this is another verse, just like last week, I should probably read everyday.
Who among us does not know what it’s like to feel totally week…totally exhausted…like we couldn’t take another step?...and I don’t just mean physically, I mean emotionally and spiritually as well. Perhaps you’ve taken so many hits to your self-esteem you can’t imagine ever being able to take a chance again…you’ve experience such great loss that you don’t think you will or could ever be happy…you’ve been waiting and waiting for God to renew your spirit and it just hasn’t happened and you’re feeling utterly lost, alone, and hopeless…these are what I consider to be “weary and heavy burden” moments…
“I will give you rest”…relief…I’ll take those problems for a while…I’ll give you joy, peace, love, hope…I will renew your strength…I love you…let me show you…don’t try to handle this alone…I can take it…trust me…
Now, I can be a little Rob Bell-is this week, because I’ve actually heard people (him) talk about what it means to take on a teacher’s “yoke.” (although, I’m sure I’ll most likely butcher the meaning of this because I totally just write this stuff from the top of my head…there’s no extra research involved…it’s the weekend…I don’t have that kind of energy or drive…I’ll just say it’s on one of his Nooma dvd’s so you should probably just watch it to get the real info). I think that in Jewish culture, when you chose to identify yourself with a particular rabbi or teacher, you would take on their “yoke.” That meant that you would take on their teachings. Then it would be your job to pass those teachings and ideas on to others. So, when Jesus said that His “yoke is easy” and “His burden is light,” He’s letting us know that we’re not going to be taking on this impossible task by being His follower. It’s doable, it’s achievable. He even says it easy…and that He'll be easy on us...He's humble...not the kind of know it all that you can't stand to be around...and when you get something wrong, or fail a little, He's not gonna beat you...He'll be loving and gentle
Now, I don’t want to disagree with what Jesus says here…so please don’t think that’s what I’m doing, but I don’t really necessarily feel that His burden is light. I see His burden as being death on the cross…death to self…and the burden of reaching the world with His love and power…I mean, perhaps that’s not what He’s talking about here, but I take it as a very heavy burden. However, it's not a hopeless one…not one that I carry alone. Maybe that’s why He considers it “light.” Perhaps it’s light, because it’s shared by all Christians…and Jesus is holding up the heavy side…What an awesomely cool God we have…I feel like that sounds kinda corny, but how else can you describe someone who’s willing to take on our heart aches, struggles, pain, and sorrow so that we don’t have to? I think that’s pretty awesomely cool in my mind…don’t you?
~Blevins – out!
Weekend Word - Part VII
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“Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” James 4:17
Yeah…I almost feel like this is one of those “enough said” moments. Oh James, why must you be so complicated and stressful?! I would definitely say that although short in length, James is one of the longer books of the Bible when we’re talking about unpacking what it means. I think we could go on for weeks about what this little book has to say about the way we should live (and at CCC we have...just listen to the series "Shorts"...one of the guys that speaks during that series is pretty amazing...I'm sorta kinda head over heels for that guy...).
This particular verse is one that I think I should probably read everyday. How many times do I see something that I really should do, and don’t do it? I just pass the opportunity on by and probably don’t even give it another thought…well, that’s not true…I’m actually the type of person who, once I realize I should have done something and didn’t do it, will beat myself up over it…however, I’m not sure that I ever really think about it as sin. I wonder if I did think of it as sin, would I take the time to make sure I did what I know I ought? And, the times that I have asked God to forgive me for missed opportunities (when I've realized it) are almost more unbearable than asking God to forgive me for not telling the truth or speeding down Rt. 40...And what about the times that I just totally miss the boat? Is it because I’m too self-absorbed to see the world around me?...probably, but how can God forgive me for that? I guess I’m just really really thankful for the power of Jesus’ blood and the fact that it can wash away any sin…even the sin of missed opportunity…
I will close by saying that it is my earnest prayer that God will somehow make clear the things I ought to do, so I can be a blameless and pure child of His…one without fault or blemish…one that can say that she lived her life for God, and lived it well, making the most of everything.
~Blevins – out!
Yeah…I almost feel like this is one of those “enough said” moments. Oh James, why must you be so complicated and stressful?! I would definitely say that although short in length, James is one of the longer books of the Bible when we’re talking about unpacking what it means. I think we could go on for weeks about what this little book has to say about the way we should live (and at CCC we have...just listen to the series "Shorts"...one of the guys that speaks during that series is pretty amazing...I'm sorta kinda head over heels for that guy...).
This particular verse is one that I think I should probably read everyday. How many times do I see something that I really should do, and don’t do it? I just pass the opportunity on by and probably don’t even give it another thought…well, that’s not true…I’m actually the type of person who, once I realize I should have done something and didn’t do it, will beat myself up over it…however, I’m not sure that I ever really think about it as sin. I wonder if I did think of it as sin, would I take the time to make sure I did what I know I ought? And, the times that I have asked God to forgive me for missed opportunities (when I've realized it) are almost more unbearable than asking God to forgive me for not telling the truth or speeding down Rt. 40...And what about the times that I just totally miss the boat? Is it because I’m too self-absorbed to see the world around me?...probably, but how can God forgive me for that? I guess I’m just really really thankful for the power of Jesus’ blood and the fact that it can wash away any sin…even the sin of missed opportunity…
I will close by saying that it is my earnest prayer that God will somehow make clear the things I ought to do, so I can be a blameless and pure child of His…one without fault or blemish…one that can say that she lived her life for God, and lived it well, making the most of everything.
~Blevins – out!
Weekend Word Part VI
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“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? For the Son of Man will come with his angels in the glory of his Father and will judge all people according to their deeds.” Matthew 16:24-27
So…this is one of those…”Holy cow, why did Jesus have to say such things?” verses…I read this and think, there’s no way I can live up to these standards…I mean, I don’t necessarily consider myself to be all that selfish, but then, let’s stop and think about the definition of selfish. Selfish: (adj) devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. Now, I don’t really know all that many people who only care for themselves so then I start to wonder if we (America) aren’t as selfish as everyone always says we are. On the other hand, when I look at the rest of the definition and read the words “concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc.” I start to wonder…maybe I am really selfish. I’m not saying that I don’t care about anyone else but me. I just mean that I am normally absorbed in thinking about my own interests, my own well-being. Many times I am so much consumed with thinking about everything that’s going on with me, that it clouds out what God might be prompting me to do…changes I might need to make, people I might need to help, things I might need to do, steps of faith I might need to take…Perhaps that’s the reason why Jesus says these words about being selfish first. That is to say, that if we (myself included) are mainly concerned with ourselves, then there is no room for God to move in our lives…He’s a big God…He’s not going to play second fiddle to us.
“Take up your cross…” This phrase reminds me of that song we used to sing a lot in church growing up…I Have Decided to Follow Jesus. I’ve always enjoyed this hymn…I don’t know if it’s because of the words or how easy it is to sing or because it has so many verses, but it’s definitely one of my favorites. Anyway, there’s a verse in this song that says “My cross I’ll carry ‘till I see Jesus.” I’ve always been somewhat intrigued by this idea. Now, if I were Rob Bell or somebody like that, I’d probably have some type of historical meaning to this idea of taking up one’s cross, but alas, I do not. I’ll just convey what I think it means…I guess because I’m selfish like that. Welp, I think we all have these crosses in our lives, just like Jesus. Jesus always knew he was going to die…I've always seen is as this big thing between Him and God…like the proverbial “pink elephant” in the room. I can imagine that Jesus most likely mentioned it every time He talked to God…I know I would. “Hey dad, about this whole dying and giving up my life thing…that’s really gonna hurt and be really hard…can’t we rethink this a little…” These are the kinds of bargains I feel like I have with God too…of course mine are absolutely meaningless compared with Jesus giving up His life to save the whole world, but I think the idea is sort of the same. We all have these hang-ups…these things that keep us from really giving in fully to God’s plan. I think one of the points that Jesus is trying to make here is that He knows we have these things, these issues, these “crosses” that we carry around with us…these burdens, if you will, and He wants us to pick them up and bring them to Him. It won’t be easy, it will probably hurt, it will probably be a little humiliating, we’ll definitely need some help with it, but in order to follow Him, in order to be like Jesus, we have to be willing to take up that proverbial cross.
“Follow me…” well that’s definitely easier said than done. I’m still holding out for those burning bush, goatskin in the dew, writing on the wall occurrences…I guess that’s not happening anytime soon, so how do I know I’m following Jesus? I suppose that’s where faith comes in to play. We just have to have faith that God will somehow make His path clear to us so that we can follow…
"If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” This part seems self explanatory, but it doesn’t make it any less difficult to do. I kinda get the feeling that maybe Jesus was not only talking to His followers, but to Himself too.
And here comes the real kick in the butt moment…”And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” It is so easy to get caught in the trap of “getting.” (or at least that’s what I’m going to call it) It happens to me all of the time. There are so many things in this world that I want to gain…money, things, power, stature (well maybe not all of those things, but it’s gotta be true for some people…). Then I read this and I get all squirmy inside. I don’t mean to be someone who is trying to gain the whole world, but sometimes I feel like I’m getting pulled into the whirlpool and can’t swim out. That makes me worry…not just for myself (because at least I have moments of clarity where I realize that I’m putting my wants ahead of following God), but it makes me really worry about our world in general. How many people around us are losing their souls (and not just people who are “lost”—people we see in church with us each Sunday)? I know those are harsh words, but they’re the ones Jesus used…so we know they’re true.
And finally, “For the Son of Man will come with his angels in the glory of his Father and will judge all people according to their deeds.” This is one of those things that keeps me up at night from time to time. When I think about being judged according to my deeds, I get this weird flush that rolls right over me, it’s probably some type of a panic attack. I know that I have many things that I do right and I do them for the right reasons, but, I also have so many ways that I fail and fall. I have those thoughts that wouldn’t be really pleasing to anyone, especially the God of all creation. Ugh, I guess this just another reason to remember that although God is just, He’s also loving and forgiving. I think I’ll choose to hang on to that for now, just so I don’t get all freaked out and panicky…What a great note to end on…perhaps I should have planned this one out a little bit better. I guess the best thing is that there’s still hope…there’s still time to follow hard after Jesus…to gather up all of our problems and hang-ups and issues and to seek after Him…to put our worldly desires and struggles in the back seat and to let our actions scream to the heavens how wonderful our God is.
There you go...two weekends in a row...
~Blevins - out!
So…this is one of those…”Holy cow, why did Jesus have to say such things?” verses…I read this and think, there’s no way I can live up to these standards…I mean, I don’t necessarily consider myself to be all that selfish, but then, let’s stop and think about the definition of selfish. Selfish: (adj) devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. Now, I don’t really know all that many people who only care for themselves so then I start to wonder if we (America) aren’t as selfish as everyone always says we are. On the other hand, when I look at the rest of the definition and read the words “concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc.” I start to wonder…maybe I am really selfish. I’m not saying that I don’t care about anyone else but me. I just mean that I am normally absorbed in thinking about my own interests, my own well-being. Many times I am so much consumed with thinking about everything that’s going on with me, that it clouds out what God might be prompting me to do…changes I might need to make, people I might need to help, things I might need to do, steps of faith I might need to take…Perhaps that’s the reason why Jesus says these words about being selfish first. That is to say, that if we (myself included) are mainly concerned with ourselves, then there is no room for God to move in our lives…He’s a big God…He’s not going to play second fiddle to us.
“Take up your cross…” This phrase reminds me of that song we used to sing a lot in church growing up…I Have Decided to Follow Jesus. I’ve always enjoyed this hymn…I don’t know if it’s because of the words or how easy it is to sing or because it has so many verses, but it’s definitely one of my favorites. Anyway, there’s a verse in this song that says “My cross I’ll carry ‘till I see Jesus.” I’ve always been somewhat intrigued by this idea. Now, if I were Rob Bell or somebody like that, I’d probably have some type of historical meaning to this idea of taking up one’s cross, but alas, I do not. I’ll just convey what I think it means…I guess because I’m selfish like that. Welp, I think we all have these crosses in our lives, just like Jesus. Jesus always knew he was going to die…I've always seen is as this big thing between Him and God…like the proverbial “pink elephant” in the room. I can imagine that Jesus most likely mentioned it every time He talked to God…I know I would. “Hey dad, about this whole dying and giving up my life thing…that’s really gonna hurt and be really hard…can’t we rethink this a little…” These are the kinds of bargains I feel like I have with God too…of course mine are absolutely meaningless compared with Jesus giving up His life to save the whole world, but I think the idea is sort of the same. We all have these hang-ups…these things that keep us from really giving in fully to God’s plan. I think one of the points that Jesus is trying to make here is that He knows we have these things, these issues, these “crosses” that we carry around with us…these burdens, if you will, and He wants us to pick them up and bring them to Him. It won’t be easy, it will probably hurt, it will probably be a little humiliating, we’ll definitely need some help with it, but in order to follow Him, in order to be like Jesus, we have to be willing to take up that proverbial cross.
“Follow me…” well that’s definitely easier said than done. I’m still holding out for those burning bush, goatskin in the dew, writing on the wall occurrences…I guess that’s not happening anytime soon, so how do I know I’m following Jesus? I suppose that’s where faith comes in to play. We just have to have faith that God will somehow make His path clear to us so that we can follow…
"If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” This part seems self explanatory, but it doesn’t make it any less difficult to do. I kinda get the feeling that maybe Jesus was not only talking to His followers, but to Himself too.
And here comes the real kick in the butt moment…”And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” It is so easy to get caught in the trap of “getting.” (or at least that’s what I’m going to call it) It happens to me all of the time. There are so many things in this world that I want to gain…money, things, power, stature (well maybe not all of those things, but it’s gotta be true for some people…). Then I read this and I get all squirmy inside. I don’t mean to be someone who is trying to gain the whole world, but sometimes I feel like I’m getting pulled into the whirlpool and can’t swim out. That makes me worry…not just for myself (because at least I have moments of clarity where I realize that I’m putting my wants ahead of following God), but it makes me really worry about our world in general. How many people around us are losing their souls (and not just people who are “lost”—people we see in church with us each Sunday)? I know those are harsh words, but they’re the ones Jesus used…so we know they’re true.
And finally, “For the Son of Man will come with his angels in the glory of his Father and will judge all people according to their deeds.” This is one of those things that keeps me up at night from time to time. When I think about being judged according to my deeds, I get this weird flush that rolls right over me, it’s probably some type of a panic attack. I know that I have many things that I do right and I do them for the right reasons, but, I also have so many ways that I fail and fall. I have those thoughts that wouldn’t be really pleasing to anyone, especially the God of all creation. Ugh, I guess this just another reason to remember that although God is just, He’s also loving and forgiving. I think I’ll choose to hang on to that for now, just so I don’t get all freaked out and panicky…What a great note to end on…perhaps I should have planned this one out a little bit better. I guess the best thing is that there’s still hope…there’s still time to follow hard after Jesus…to gather up all of our problems and hang-ups and issues and to seek after Him…to put our worldly desires and struggles in the back seat and to let our actions scream to the heavens how wonderful our God is.
There you go...two weekends in a row...
~Blevins - out!
Weekend Word Part V
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“But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. For I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside.” Job 23:10-11 (NLT)
This verse is from the Old Testament book of Job. Job was this dude that had a whole bunch of bad junk happen to him. You see, Satan thought he could cause Job to turn away from God, so he sent horrible events his way. Even though everyone thought Job had done something horrible in the eyes of God and that he was being punished and that he should go ahead and curse God and be done with it, Job thought differently. He knew that no matter what happened, even if he didn’t understand it, God loved Him. Therefore, he never gave up. He stayed strong. He persevered.
Given Job’s history, and all that he had lost, I love the fact that he didn’t doubt what he had done. He knew that he never compromised.
I wonder about my life. When God tests me, do I “come out as pure gold?” I think to be able to say “I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside,” at the end of my life would be an amazing accomplishment. I feel like these two verses are “life verse worthy”…you know what I mean? Sometimes people will ask “what’s your life verse?”--I never really know what to say. I have a lot of verses that I really like and many that would be great to live my life by, but isn’t the Bible full of verses like that? “I have followed his ways and not turned aside…” There’s the goal…
This verse is from the Old Testament book of Job. Job was this dude that had a whole bunch of bad junk happen to him. You see, Satan thought he could cause Job to turn away from God, so he sent horrible events his way. Even though everyone thought Job had done something horrible in the eyes of God and that he was being punished and that he should go ahead and curse God and be done with it, Job thought differently. He knew that no matter what happened, even if he didn’t understand it, God loved Him. Therefore, he never gave up. He stayed strong. He persevered.
Given Job’s history, and all that he had lost, I love the fact that he didn’t doubt what he had done. He knew that he never compromised.
I wonder about my life. When God tests me, do I “come out as pure gold?” I think to be able to say “I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside,” at the end of my life would be an amazing accomplishment. I feel like these two verses are “life verse worthy”…you know what I mean? Sometimes people will ask “what’s your life verse?”--I never really know what to say. I have a lot of verses that I really like and many that would be great to live my life by, but isn’t the Bible full of verses like that? “I have followed his ways and not turned aside…” There’s the goal…
Reflections on a Loss...
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You know that saying “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?” Well, I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately…
On Wednesday, February 4, my mom and my sister both called me after school. I knew immediately that something must be going on if both of them were calling back to back. In true “Jennifer” fashion, my cell phone was out of battery power, so I had to wait until I got in my car to call them back (so I could plug in my phone). Lindsay was the first person I got a hold of…she tells me, “I have some really bad news…” Of course, whenever you hear something like that, your mind starts racing. I’ve had these type of phone calls before…”Your dad’s in the emergency room with chest pains (aka two close proximity heart attacks)”…”Just wanted to let you know your Grandaddy’s in the hospital (aka he has a bleeding ulcer and will need multiple blood transfusions)”…”Your Grandma is going to be in the hospital for a while (aka she has a rare heart virus called endocarditis)”…None of these “bad” conversations began with the words “I have some bad news…” so, obviously, I’m freaking out. Then my sister asked me what I was doing. I told her I was in the car on my way home and she asked me if I wanted to call her back when I got home…To this I promptly said “Um…no…You need to tell me whatever it is now.” Lindsay went on to tell me that my uncle was found dead in his apartment…You could have knocked me over with a feather…to say I was shocked would be an understatement. I mean, he’s my uncle Mark. He’s not even that old (47)…how could he be dead…
Fast forward a few days…due to somewhat strange circumstances given his time of death and when he was actually found, it was difficult to get his body ready for burial…more than a week after his death, we had his funeral…definitely one of the saddest days I’ve experienced…just thinking about his girls and how they’re going to miss out on some of their best daddy years just made me really sad for them…not to mention his boys who are missing out on a really great pal…
Well, he was placed in his grave today, February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day. We still don’t really know what happened…it looks like we never will…I guess mysteries still do exist…
Now to my original quote at the start of this blog, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” Given this abrupt end to the life of my uncle Mark, I have had the occasion over the past few days to remember so much about him—things that I haven’t really thought about for a long time. You see, my aunt Faith (his wife and my mom’s younger sister) started dating Mark when I was around five or six years old…this means that I’ve basically had Mark in my life for as long as I can remember. Obviously we spent all of the holidays together, but we did so much more too. As a younger child, I used to always spend a week in Virginia with my mom’s parents. Whenever I was there, I knew I’d really be spending most of my time with Mark and Faith. I thought they were so cool. When they were just dating, my aunt and I would go visit Mark at work and take him lunch. I was the flower girl in their wedding when I was in second grade (and in true younger Jennifer fashion, I totally acted like a brat when it came to time take the pictures…at least I made it through the ceremony before acting out…) After they got married, we’d hang out at their house and play Nintendo after my grandparents went to bed. We really liked playing Mario, Rad Racer, and for some reason Jack Nicklaus golf. When I got a little older, we would always head to an amusement park when I was visiting. We normally went to King’s Dominion because it was so close to my grandparent’s house, but I remember one time we went to Busch Gardens. That was such an awesome trip. I think our car ride there was half the fun. Mark had a really great time doing impressions of all the people on the road that were from Ohio…he did a great Ohio accent…I’ve wanted to go back ever since, but never have. Mark would always ride whatever ride I wanted to…I’m not quite sure if he was just being nice, or if he was finally glad to have someone to ride rides with. We loved to play horse and football in the yard. Mark always had a way of making me feel like I was really great at football, even though I was just a girl…He had this awesome dog name P.D. (short for Puppy Dog…you may see now where I got the creative name for my cat…Kitty…). P.D. would always play football with us too…it was so fun. We’d play homerun derby sometimes and P.D. was definitely a great asset because he’d always go fetch the ball. I remember that Mark used to let me drive his truck…even though I was only in the fifth grade...I knew every time I went to my grandparent’s house I would be able to have a couple of driving lessons too. The first time he ever let me drive on the road was when I was 13…It didn’t really go so well, I remember getting pretty close the yellow line and then getting really scared. We had to pull over and switch places because I got so freaked out. We would take random trips to the dump from time to time. I think I mainly went because I knew we'd stop and get ice cream on the way home. He saved my "life" at my Aunt Ollie's funeral...it's a long story...He was probably the only person I’d ever let call me Jenni-poo. He was the first person to ever sing this random song that goes something like “Jennifer….Juniper….”…I’ve never actually heard the song before and I don’t think I want to now…It might erase his voice singing it. Unfortunately, once I started to get older, things seemed to change a little…we definitely weren’t as close as we used to be, but it was always really good to see him and catch up whenever we had the chance. I guess it’s true…”You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone…”
Rest in peace Mark…you will be missed…
~Blevins - out...
On Wednesday, February 4, my mom and my sister both called me after school. I knew immediately that something must be going on if both of them were calling back to back. In true “Jennifer” fashion, my cell phone was out of battery power, so I had to wait until I got in my car to call them back (so I could plug in my phone). Lindsay was the first person I got a hold of…she tells me, “I have some really bad news…” Of course, whenever you hear something like that, your mind starts racing. I’ve had these type of phone calls before…”Your dad’s in the emergency room with chest pains (aka two close proximity heart attacks)”…”Just wanted to let you know your Grandaddy’s in the hospital (aka he has a bleeding ulcer and will need multiple blood transfusions)”…”Your Grandma is going to be in the hospital for a while (aka she has a rare heart virus called endocarditis)”…None of these “bad” conversations began with the words “I have some bad news…” so, obviously, I’m freaking out. Then my sister asked me what I was doing. I told her I was in the car on my way home and she asked me if I wanted to call her back when I got home…To this I promptly said “Um…no…You need to tell me whatever it is now.” Lindsay went on to tell me that my uncle was found dead in his apartment…You could have knocked me over with a feather…to say I was shocked would be an understatement. I mean, he’s my uncle Mark. He’s not even that old (47)…how could he be dead…
Fast forward a few days…due to somewhat strange circumstances given his time of death and when he was actually found, it was difficult to get his body ready for burial…more than a week after his death, we had his funeral…definitely one of the saddest days I’ve experienced…just thinking about his girls and how they’re going to miss out on some of their best daddy years just made me really sad for them…not to mention his boys who are missing out on a really great pal…
Well, he was placed in his grave today, February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day. We still don’t really know what happened…it looks like we never will…I guess mysteries still do exist…
Now to my original quote at the start of this blog, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” Given this abrupt end to the life of my uncle Mark, I have had the occasion over the past few days to remember so much about him—things that I haven’t really thought about for a long time. You see, my aunt Faith (his wife and my mom’s younger sister) started dating Mark when I was around five or six years old…this means that I’ve basically had Mark in my life for as long as I can remember. Obviously we spent all of the holidays together, but we did so much more too. As a younger child, I used to always spend a week in Virginia with my mom’s parents. Whenever I was there, I knew I’d really be spending most of my time with Mark and Faith. I thought they were so cool. When they were just dating, my aunt and I would go visit Mark at work and take him lunch. I was the flower girl in their wedding when I was in second grade (and in true younger Jennifer fashion, I totally acted like a brat when it came to time take the pictures…at least I made it through the ceremony before acting out…) After they got married, we’d hang out at their house and play Nintendo after my grandparents went to bed. We really liked playing Mario, Rad Racer, and for some reason Jack Nicklaus golf. When I got a little older, we would always head to an amusement park when I was visiting. We normally went to King’s Dominion because it was so close to my grandparent’s house, but I remember one time we went to Busch Gardens. That was such an awesome trip. I think our car ride there was half the fun. Mark had a really great time doing impressions of all the people on the road that were from Ohio…he did a great Ohio accent…I’ve wanted to go back ever since, but never have. Mark would always ride whatever ride I wanted to…I’m not quite sure if he was just being nice, or if he was finally glad to have someone to ride rides with. We loved to play horse and football in the yard. Mark always had a way of making me feel like I was really great at football, even though I was just a girl…He had this awesome dog name P.D. (short for Puppy Dog…you may see now where I got the creative name for my cat…Kitty…). P.D. would always play football with us too…it was so fun. We’d play homerun derby sometimes and P.D. was definitely a great asset because he’d always go fetch the ball. I remember that Mark used to let me drive his truck…even though I was only in the fifth grade...I knew every time I went to my grandparent’s house I would be able to have a couple of driving lessons too. The first time he ever let me drive on the road was when I was 13…It didn’t really go so well, I remember getting pretty close the yellow line and then getting really scared. We had to pull over and switch places because I got so freaked out. We would take random trips to the dump from time to time. I think I mainly went because I knew we'd stop and get ice cream on the way home. He saved my "life" at my Aunt Ollie's funeral...it's a long story...He was probably the only person I’d ever let call me Jenni-poo. He was the first person to ever sing this random song that goes something like “Jennifer….Juniper….”…I’ve never actually heard the song before and I don’t think I want to now…It might erase his voice singing it. Unfortunately, once I started to get older, things seemed to change a little…we definitely weren’t as close as we used to be, but it was always really good to see him and catch up whenever we had the chance. I guess it’s true…”You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone…”
Rest in peace Mark…you will be missed…
~Blevins - out...
long time...no blog...long blog...
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So, I totally don't know what my problem is...I swore I'd blog more often...even thought about it during Christmas break, but did I do it...nope...I'm a total looser...
HOWEVER...here it is…
On Facebook, there's this new trend to list "25 Random Things" about yourself...to my amusement, it was even mentioned on the radio (Mix 106.5) yesterday morning...It is quite fun to do actually. You can take it one of two ways...you can either just list things that you think might be interesting or unique about yourself, or you can just be...to put in a word...random. I went the, "I'm trying to let people in on who I really am" route...I'm not so sure I'm really glad that I did this because more people read it than I had planned, but I've learned something pretty revealing in the process.
I'll start by posting my "25 Random Things" in case, you haven't read them (although I'm keenly aware that the five people who may possibly stumble on to my blog are also my friends on Facebook so they've most definitely already read them...but you know...just in case...)
1. I want to make my life count...I want to live for God's glory and nothing else...I want everything I say and do to speak of how great God is...
2. I absolutely adore my family...in-laws included...they are some of the best people I know...
3. I really like old movies and old tv shows...Casablanca is probably one of my favorite movies of all time and I could (and have) literally watch I Love Lucy all day...
4. I love to read...I 'll pretty much read just about anything you put in front of me...I'm sad that I don't have more time to devote to this love of mine...I also love sports too and I'm sad I don't have enough time to devote to playing them...
5. My great-grandfather was a minister, my grandfather was a minister, my father is a minister, and my husband is a children's minister...go figure...I swore I would never marry a minister and Nick wasn't one we got married...Lesson learned...never say never to God...he'll change it everytime...
6. I would really love to get my Master's...but, I don't necessarily think I'll be a teacher my whole life...
7. I prefer taking a bath (or if you're an Ainsworth, a tub...:D) over a shower...maybe that's because I have a pretty sweet jacuzzi tub...
8. I really really love music...I like to sing...I literally sing all the time...and not always real songs...most of them I make up...when I'm in the car with Nick (especially on long trips) I can sing the whole trip (he's a saint for putting up with me sometimes)...I would really love to trade places with Christy Nockels...she's amazing...
9. I hate surprises/surprise parties and "showers"...close friends need to note this in case I ever have a baby...which leads me to number ten...
10. I am terrified to have children and am totally bipolar about it...one day I'll see a cute little baby and think...hmm...I'd like one of those...then I see some kid "acting a fool" and I think, heck no, I never want a kid...it's like a total roller coaster for me...I assume eventually I'll know when I'm ready, but I'm not getting any younger...which leads me to number eleven...
11. I don't really like birthdays...I'd prefer to pretend like they don't occur...I'm really not good with getting older...I can't even imagine what 2012 will be like for me...
12. I am pretty shy...I'm not that great at meeting new people and it takes me a while to warm up to others...I'm friendly, but not an open book...sometimes this can be interpreted as being rude or standoff-ish...I'm just not one for small talk...if I don't have anything to say, then I just don't say anything...
13. I love serving others...but really don't like to be served (unless it's by Nick...lol)...it makes me really uncomfortable...
14. Speaking of uncomfortable...conflict makes me want to barf...I hate fights/arguments...anytime I get "yelled at" it makes me want to cry...I am sooo non-confrontational...
15. I have really low self-esteem...(maybe this "random list" shouldn't be so deep...)
16. Some of my favorites...color-pink, food-cheeseburgers and chicken fingers, word-chicken and poop (but not chicken poop), city-Atlanta, GA
17. I had to do a separate list of favorite tv shows...I don't really watch all that much tv except on the weekends...I'll do "old shows" and "current shows"...Old - Friends, Saved By the Bell, Everybody Loves Raymond, Mad About You, the Sopranos...Current - 24!!!!, Heroes, NCIS and I'm thinking I'm starting to really like House...
18. This may not be all that "random," but I absolutely LOVE Spongebob Squarepants...I'd say this is random simply because I'm 26 and love Spongebob, but I really like all cartoons for the most part...on the weekends I typically keep it on Nickelodeon all day...
19. I have this thing for "mob" storylines...whether it's a movie or a tv show, if it's got thugs and mobsters, I'm in...
20. I don't use foul language...ever...not even when I'm mad...I have been known to say "I could cuss..." but in all honesty, I wouldn't know what to say if I had to cuss...
21. I've never smoked or had an alcoholic beverage (or done drugs...)...I am truly a prude, even though I try really hard not to be...I don't really think there's anything wrong with either...well, smoking's really bad because it causes cancer, but drinking causes cirrhosis of the liver and sometimes bad decisions, so...who knows...I guess nothing's all that safe...I'm sure the food I eat is probably just as bad for me as drinking or smoking...(now this is totally random...)
22. I really HATE coffee...the smell, the taste...if there's even the slightest hint of coffee taste I gag...gingerale also makes me gag...instantly...
23. I have this big dream to do something really awesome with my life, but I don't know what it is...this is a terribly frustrating feeling...speaking of being frustrated...
24. Sometimes I get a little frustrated with God...I feel like He gave me all of these random semi-talents and interests, but there's nothing that I'm really really great at...you know what I mean???...some people are awesome artists and you look at them and think...wow, they were born to do that...other people are amazing speakers and you think...it's amazing how God uses them...I sooo wish I was one of those people...btw...I think Nick is the only person who knows this about me...It's really not about jealousy...it's about wanting to contribute in a specific way to the world...and not missing my purpose...
25. I like acting and don't mind being in front of crowds as long as I'm being a "character"...I am terrified of adults and would rather just hang out with kids...
Now, I could definitely come up with many random things about myself, because, truth be told, I am a very random person. But...Nick noticed something quite interesting about the comments I received on my list...almost everyone commented about number 24...I'll re-copy it here if you chose to skim past my list (which in all honesty, I would have done if I were reading this...)
24. Sometimes I get a little frustrated with God...I feel like He gave me all of these random semi-talents and interests, but there's nothing that I'm really really great at...you know what I mean???...some people are awesome artists and you look at them and think...wow, they were born to do that...other people are amazing speakers and you think...it's amazing how God uses them...I sooo wish I was one of those people...btw...I think Nick is the only person who knows this about me...It's really not about jealousy...it's about wanting to contribute in a specific way to the world...and not missing my purpose...
For some reason, this struck a chord with people. Of course, Nick thought automatically that if so many people feel the same way, then the local church should address this and give people direction about it....
My thoughts about it are a little different than his. I think that (this is me personally here...not those who commented on my blog) it is extremely difficult to know if you're doing what God wants you to do. It's not like the Old Testament where He'd actually talk to people, or at least send angels to talk to people (which yes, I know He did in the New Testament too...just not as much). I think people really do want to follow God's plan, but it can't be done by following certain steps, or maybe they (I) don't think that they're good enough to do what God wants them to do. Now, I know I have really really low self esteem (see #15), but it seems to me that God should make it a little easier to find your gifts and your purpose. Wouldn't that make the world a better place after all?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing God for how He's chosen to do things...who am I to say anything about it at all actually...but it is a little puzzling, you know? I kinda think that the journey to find what you're meant to do is basically the whole deal--that as you are on your way to find God's place for you, you get to know Him and His character even better. You get a heart that beats like His, that breaks like His, that loves like His. You get a mind that thinks like His, that sees the bigger picture, that knows this life is not the end by any means. You get hands and feet like His, that go and do the things that no one else would or could do....
This leads me to the frustration...I get all this...I get the fact that in order to be more like God, I need to spend more time with Him, in His Word, with people who also want to be more like Him. Unfortunately, I'm also aware that I only have a limited amount of time on this earth (as much as I try to pretend that is not the case). I feel like I don't have time to wait around anymore. I want to know what God wants me to do and I want to know now (typing this, I'm totally feeling like the prodigal son who wanted his inheritance now...that's a little unsettling...perhaps I'll address that in another blog--that is if I ever remember to blog again...). So, I guess I'm stuck--which totally stinks. I am the kind of person who is very cautious about taking big steps. The kind of person who would need to know up front if the step I was taking was really in God's plan. The kind of person whose fear of failure and rejection can totally block out what God may or may not want to be doing in the world. Is that what it takes to be great in God's eyes? Reckless abandon...an undaunting ability to follow whatever they believe God is calling them to do?
Obviously I know the answer to this question is yes...of course it is. But, what does that mean for me, what does that mean for people who agree with #24? Giving up the illusion of control is possibly too great. I don't know. It's scary because it's not just me that I'm giving up in reckless abandon to God...It's my family and my friends. It's everything I am and care about...and that's tough. But, is it too tough? Wouldn't it be worth it? I would think so...but what if I was wrong...what if what I thought God wanted me to do was so far from what He was actually thinking and planning? And that doesn't even scratch the surface of the "giftedness" problem and what mine are...ugh...it really would be easier if God made me amazingly awesome at something...I'm not asking for an endless list of talents and abilities...I'm just asking for one...one thing that I am really really great at, so that I'll know that was what God wants me to invest my time in...Here I am saying this, but really, if I only had just one thing that I was talented in, I mean really talented in, what are the odds that I would use it? I kinda think I'd be like the wicked servant in Jesus' parable and just burry it away. I'd hope not...
But maybe, just maybe, we all have lots of talents, and we just don't know it. Maybe these semi-talents of which I speak are really what we're supposed to be developing. I mean, nothing really great comes without some kind of price...right? Even our "free gift" of eternal life had it's price...not to us, but to the one who loved us so much to die...for us...And that's the point...that's why I want to contribute so badly...to show God it wasn't for nothing...it was worth it...it's all worth it...
HOWEVER...here it is…
On Facebook, there's this new trend to list "25 Random Things" about yourself...to my amusement, it was even mentioned on the radio (Mix 106.5) yesterday morning...It is quite fun to do actually. You can take it one of two ways...you can either just list things that you think might be interesting or unique about yourself, or you can just be...to put in a word...random. I went the, "I'm trying to let people in on who I really am" route...I'm not so sure I'm really glad that I did this because more people read it than I had planned, but I've learned something pretty revealing in the process.
I'll start by posting my "25 Random Things" in case, you haven't read them (although I'm keenly aware that the five people who may possibly stumble on to my blog are also my friends on Facebook so they've most definitely already read them...but you know...just in case...)
1. I want to make my life count...I want to live for God's glory and nothing else...I want everything I say and do to speak of how great God is...
2. I absolutely adore my family...in-laws included...they are some of the best people I know...
3. I really like old movies and old tv shows...Casablanca is probably one of my favorite movies of all time and I could (and have) literally watch I Love Lucy all day...
4. I love to read...I 'll pretty much read just about anything you put in front of me...I'm sad that I don't have more time to devote to this love of mine...I also love sports too and I'm sad I don't have enough time to devote to playing them...
5. My great-grandfather was a minister, my grandfather was a minister, my father is a minister, and my husband is a children's minister...go figure...I swore I would never marry a minister and Nick wasn't one we got married...Lesson learned...never say never to God...he'll change it everytime...
6. I would really love to get my Master's...but, I don't necessarily think I'll be a teacher my whole life...
7. I prefer taking a bath (or if you're an Ainsworth, a tub...:D) over a shower...maybe that's because I have a pretty sweet jacuzzi tub...
8. I really really love music...I like to sing...I literally sing all the time...and not always real songs...most of them I make up...when I'm in the car with Nick (especially on long trips) I can sing the whole trip (he's a saint for putting up with me sometimes)...I would really love to trade places with Christy Nockels...she's amazing...
9. I hate surprises/surprise parties and "showers"...close friends need to note this in case I ever have a baby...which leads me to number ten...
10. I am terrified to have children and am totally bipolar about it...one day I'll see a cute little baby and think...hmm...I'd like one of those...then I see some kid "acting a fool" and I think, heck no, I never want a kid...it's like a total roller coaster for me...I assume eventually I'll know when I'm ready, but I'm not getting any younger...which leads me to number eleven...
11. I don't really like birthdays...I'd prefer to pretend like they don't occur...I'm really not good with getting older...I can't even imagine what 2012 will be like for me...
12. I am pretty shy...I'm not that great at meeting new people and it takes me a while to warm up to others...I'm friendly, but not an open book...sometimes this can be interpreted as being rude or standoff-ish...I'm just not one for small talk...if I don't have anything to say, then I just don't say anything...
13. I love serving others...but really don't like to be served (unless it's by Nick...lol)...it makes me really uncomfortable...
14. Speaking of uncomfortable...conflict makes me want to barf...I hate fights/arguments...anytime I get "yelled at" it makes me want to cry...I am sooo non-confrontational...
15. I have really low self-esteem...(maybe this "random list" shouldn't be so deep...)
16. Some of my favorites...color-pink, food-cheeseburgers and chicken fingers, word-chicken and poop (but not chicken poop), city-Atlanta, GA
17. I had to do a separate list of favorite tv shows...I don't really watch all that much tv except on the weekends...I'll do "old shows" and "current shows"...Old - Friends, Saved By the Bell, Everybody Loves Raymond, Mad About You, the Sopranos...Current - 24!!!!, Heroes, NCIS and I'm thinking I'm starting to really like House...
18. This may not be all that "random," but I absolutely LOVE Spongebob Squarepants...I'd say this is random simply because I'm 26 and love Spongebob, but I really like all cartoons for the most part...on the weekends I typically keep it on Nickelodeon all day...
19. I have this thing for "mob" storylines...whether it's a movie or a tv show, if it's got thugs and mobsters, I'm in...
20. I don't use foul language...ever...not even when I'm mad...I have been known to say "I could cuss..." but in all honesty, I wouldn't know what to say if I had to cuss...
21. I've never smoked or had an alcoholic beverage (or done drugs...)...I am truly a prude, even though I try really hard not to be...I don't really think there's anything wrong with either...well, smoking's really bad because it causes cancer, but drinking causes cirrhosis of the liver and sometimes bad decisions, so...who knows...I guess nothing's all that safe...I'm sure the food I eat is probably just as bad for me as drinking or smoking...(now this is totally random...)
22. I really HATE coffee...the smell, the taste...if there's even the slightest hint of coffee taste I gag...gingerale also makes me gag...instantly...
23. I have this big dream to do something really awesome with my life, but I don't know what it is...this is a terribly frustrating feeling...speaking of being frustrated...
24. Sometimes I get a little frustrated with God...I feel like He gave me all of these random semi-talents and interests, but there's nothing that I'm really really great at...you know what I mean???...some people are awesome artists and you look at them and think...wow, they were born to do that...other people are amazing speakers and you think...it's amazing how God uses them...I sooo wish I was one of those people...btw...I think Nick is the only person who knows this about me...It's really not about jealousy...it's about wanting to contribute in a specific way to the world...and not missing my purpose...
25. I like acting and don't mind being in front of crowds as long as I'm being a "character"...I am terrified of adults and would rather just hang out with kids...
Now, I could definitely come up with many random things about myself, because, truth be told, I am a very random person. But...Nick noticed something quite interesting about the comments I received on my list...almost everyone commented about number 24...I'll re-copy it here if you chose to skim past my list (which in all honesty, I would have done if I were reading this...)
24. Sometimes I get a little frustrated with God...I feel like He gave me all of these random semi-talents and interests, but there's nothing that I'm really really great at...you know what I mean???...some people are awesome artists and you look at them and think...wow, they were born to do that...other people are amazing speakers and you think...it's amazing how God uses them...I sooo wish I was one of those people...btw...I think Nick is the only person who knows this about me...It's really not about jealousy...it's about wanting to contribute in a specific way to the world...and not missing my purpose...
For some reason, this struck a chord with people. Of course, Nick thought automatically that if so many people feel the same way, then the local church should address this and give people direction about it....
My thoughts about it are a little different than his. I think that (this is me personally here...not those who commented on my blog) it is extremely difficult to know if you're doing what God wants you to do. It's not like the Old Testament where He'd actually talk to people, or at least send angels to talk to people (which yes, I know He did in the New Testament too...just not as much). I think people really do want to follow God's plan, but it can't be done by following certain steps, or maybe they (I) don't think that they're good enough to do what God wants them to do. Now, I know I have really really low self esteem (see #15), but it seems to me that God should make it a little easier to find your gifts and your purpose. Wouldn't that make the world a better place after all?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing God for how He's chosen to do things...who am I to say anything about it at all actually...but it is a little puzzling, you know? I kinda think that the journey to find what you're meant to do is basically the whole deal--that as you are on your way to find God's place for you, you get to know Him and His character even better. You get a heart that beats like His, that breaks like His, that loves like His. You get a mind that thinks like His, that sees the bigger picture, that knows this life is not the end by any means. You get hands and feet like His, that go and do the things that no one else would or could do....
This leads me to the frustration...I get all this...I get the fact that in order to be more like God, I need to spend more time with Him, in His Word, with people who also want to be more like Him. Unfortunately, I'm also aware that I only have a limited amount of time on this earth (as much as I try to pretend that is not the case). I feel like I don't have time to wait around anymore. I want to know what God wants me to do and I want to know now (typing this, I'm totally feeling like the prodigal son who wanted his inheritance now...that's a little unsettling...perhaps I'll address that in another blog--that is if I ever remember to blog again...). So, I guess I'm stuck--which totally stinks. I am the kind of person who is very cautious about taking big steps. The kind of person who would need to know up front if the step I was taking was really in God's plan. The kind of person whose fear of failure and rejection can totally block out what God may or may not want to be doing in the world. Is that what it takes to be great in God's eyes? Reckless abandon...an undaunting ability to follow whatever they believe God is calling them to do?
Obviously I know the answer to this question is yes...of course it is. But, what does that mean for me, what does that mean for people who agree with #24? Giving up the illusion of control is possibly too great. I don't know. It's scary because it's not just me that I'm giving up in reckless abandon to God...It's my family and my friends. It's everything I am and care about...and that's tough. But, is it too tough? Wouldn't it be worth it? I would think so...but what if I was wrong...what if what I thought God wanted me to do was so far from what He was actually thinking and planning? And that doesn't even scratch the surface of the "giftedness" problem and what mine are...ugh...it really would be easier if God made me amazingly awesome at something...I'm not asking for an endless list of talents and abilities...I'm just asking for one...one thing that I am really really great at, so that I'll know that was what God wants me to invest my time in...Here I am saying this, but really, if I only had just one thing that I was talented in, I mean really talented in, what are the odds that I would use it? I kinda think I'd be like the wicked servant in Jesus' parable and just burry it away. I'd hope not...
But maybe, just maybe, we all have lots of talents, and we just don't know it. Maybe these semi-talents of which I speak are really what we're supposed to be developing. I mean, nothing really great comes without some kind of price...right? Even our "free gift" of eternal life had it's price...not to us, but to the one who loved us so much to die...for us...And that's the point...that's why I want to contribute so badly...to show God it wasn't for nothing...it was worth it...it's all worth it...
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