“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? For the Son of Man will come with his angels in the glory of his Father and will judge all people according to their deeds.” Matthew 16:24-27
So…this is one of those…”Holy cow, why did Jesus have to say such things?” verses…I read this and think, there’s no way I can live up to these standards…I mean, I don’t necessarily consider myself to be all that selfish, but then, let’s stop and think about the definition of selfish. Selfish: (adj) devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. Now, I don’t really know all that many people who only care for themselves so then I start to wonder if we (America) aren’t as selfish as everyone always says we are. On the other hand, when I look at the rest of the definition and read the words “concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc.” I start to wonder…maybe I am really selfish. I’m not saying that I don’t care about anyone else but me. I just mean that I am normally absorbed in thinking about my own interests, my own well-being. Many times I am so much consumed with thinking about everything that’s going on with me, that it clouds out what God might be prompting me to do…changes I might need to make, people I might need to help, things I might need to do, steps of faith I might need to take…Perhaps that’s the reason why Jesus says these words about being selfish first. That is to say, that if we (myself included) are mainly concerned with ourselves, then there is no room for God to move in our lives…He’s a big God…He’s not going to play second fiddle to us.
“Take up your cross…” This phrase reminds me of that song we used to sing a lot in church growing up…I Have Decided to Follow Jesus. I’ve always enjoyed this hymn…I don’t know if it’s because of the words or how easy it is to sing or because it has so many verses, but it’s definitely one of my favorites. Anyway, there’s a verse in this song that says “My cross I’ll carry ‘till I see Jesus.” I’ve always been somewhat intrigued by this idea. Now, if I were Rob Bell or somebody like that, I’d probably have some type of historical meaning to this idea of taking up one’s cross, but alas, I do not. I’ll just convey what I think it means…I guess because I’m selfish like that. Welp, I think we all have these crosses in our lives, just like Jesus. Jesus always knew he was going to die…I've always seen is as this big thing between Him and God…like the proverbial “pink elephant” in the room. I can imagine that Jesus most likely mentioned it every time He talked to God…I know I would. “Hey dad, about this whole dying and giving up my life thing…that’s really gonna hurt and be really hard…can’t we rethink this a little…” These are the kinds of bargains I feel like I have with God too…of course mine are absolutely meaningless compared with Jesus giving up His life to save the whole world, but I think the idea is sort of the same. We all have these hang-ups…these things that keep us from really giving in fully to God’s plan. I think one of the points that Jesus is trying to make here is that He knows we have these things, these issues, these “crosses” that we carry around with us…these burdens, if you will, and He wants us to pick them up and bring them to Him. It won’t be easy, it will probably hurt, it will probably be a little humiliating, we’ll definitely need some help with it, but in order to follow Him, in order to be like Jesus, we have to be willing to take up that proverbial cross.
“Follow me…” well that’s definitely easier said than done. I’m still holding out for those burning bush, goatskin in the dew, writing on the wall occurrences…I guess that’s not happening anytime soon, so how do I know I’m following Jesus? I suppose that’s where faith comes in to play. We just have to have faith that God will somehow make His path clear to us so that we can follow…
"If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” This part seems self explanatory, but it doesn’t make it any less difficult to do. I kinda get the feeling that maybe Jesus was not only talking to His followers, but to Himself too.
And here comes the real kick in the butt moment…”And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” It is so easy to get caught in the trap of “getting.” (or at least that’s what I’m going to call it) It happens to me all of the time. There are so many things in this world that I want to gain…money, things, power, stature (well maybe not all of those things, but it’s gotta be true for some people…). Then I read this and I get all squirmy inside. I don’t mean to be someone who is trying to gain the whole world, but sometimes I feel like I’m getting pulled into the whirlpool and can’t swim out. That makes me worry…not just for myself (because at least I have moments of clarity where I realize that I’m putting my wants ahead of following God), but it makes me really worry about our world in general. How many people around us are losing their souls (and not just people who are “lost”—people we see in church with us each Sunday)? I know those are harsh words, but they’re the ones Jesus used…so we know they’re true.
And finally, “For the Son of Man will come with his angels in the glory of his Father and will judge all people according to their deeds.” This is one of those things that keeps me up at night from time to time. When I think about being judged according to my deeds, I get this weird flush that rolls right over me, it’s probably some type of a panic attack. I know that I have many things that I do right and I do them for the right reasons, but, I also have so many ways that I fail and fall. I have those thoughts that wouldn’t be really pleasing to anyone, especially the God of all creation. Ugh, I guess this just another reason to remember that although God is just, He’s also loving and forgiving. I think I’ll choose to hang on to that for now, just so I don’t get all freaked out and panicky…What a great note to end on…perhaps I should have planned this one out a little bit better. I guess the best thing is that there’s still hope…there’s still time to follow hard after Jesus…to gather up all of our problems and hang-ups and issues and to seek after Him…to put our worldly desires and struggles in the back seat and to let our actions scream to the heavens how wonderful our God is.
There you go...two weekends in a row...
~Blevins - out!
Weekend Word Part V
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“But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. For I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside.” Job 23:10-11 (NLT)
This verse is from the Old Testament book of Job. Job was this dude that had a whole bunch of bad junk happen to him. You see, Satan thought he could cause Job to turn away from God, so he sent horrible events his way. Even though everyone thought Job had done something horrible in the eyes of God and that he was being punished and that he should go ahead and curse God and be done with it, Job thought differently. He knew that no matter what happened, even if he didn’t understand it, God loved Him. Therefore, he never gave up. He stayed strong. He persevered.
Given Job’s history, and all that he had lost, I love the fact that he didn’t doubt what he had done. He knew that he never compromised.
I wonder about my life. When God tests me, do I “come out as pure gold?” I think to be able to say “I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside,” at the end of my life would be an amazing accomplishment. I feel like these two verses are “life verse worthy”…you know what I mean? Sometimes people will ask “what’s your life verse?”--I never really know what to say. I have a lot of verses that I really like and many that would be great to live my life by, but isn’t the Bible full of verses like that? “I have followed his ways and not turned aside…” There’s the goal…
This verse is from the Old Testament book of Job. Job was this dude that had a whole bunch of bad junk happen to him. You see, Satan thought he could cause Job to turn away from God, so he sent horrible events his way. Even though everyone thought Job had done something horrible in the eyes of God and that he was being punished and that he should go ahead and curse God and be done with it, Job thought differently. He knew that no matter what happened, even if he didn’t understand it, God loved Him. Therefore, he never gave up. He stayed strong. He persevered.
Given Job’s history, and all that he had lost, I love the fact that he didn’t doubt what he had done. He knew that he never compromised.
I wonder about my life. When God tests me, do I “come out as pure gold?” I think to be able to say “I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside,” at the end of my life would be an amazing accomplishment. I feel like these two verses are “life verse worthy”…you know what I mean? Sometimes people will ask “what’s your life verse?”--I never really know what to say. I have a lot of verses that I really like and many that would be great to live my life by, but isn’t the Bible full of verses like that? “I have followed his ways and not turned aside…” There’s the goal…
Reflections on a Loss...
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You know that saying “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?” Well, I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately…
On Wednesday, February 4, my mom and my sister both called me after school. I knew immediately that something must be going on if both of them were calling back to back. In true “Jennifer” fashion, my cell phone was out of battery power, so I had to wait until I got in my car to call them back (so I could plug in my phone). Lindsay was the first person I got a hold of…she tells me, “I have some really bad news…” Of course, whenever you hear something like that, your mind starts racing. I’ve had these type of phone calls before…”Your dad’s in the emergency room with chest pains (aka two close proximity heart attacks)”…”Just wanted to let you know your Grandaddy’s in the hospital (aka he has a bleeding ulcer and will need multiple blood transfusions)”…”Your Grandma is going to be in the hospital for a while (aka she has a rare heart virus called endocarditis)”…None of these “bad” conversations began with the words “I have some bad news…” so, obviously, I’m freaking out. Then my sister asked me what I was doing. I told her I was in the car on my way home and she asked me if I wanted to call her back when I got home…To this I promptly said “Um…no…You need to tell me whatever it is now.” Lindsay went on to tell me that my uncle was found dead in his apartment…You could have knocked me over with a feather…to say I was shocked would be an understatement. I mean, he’s my uncle Mark. He’s not even that old (47)…how could he be dead…
Fast forward a few days…due to somewhat strange circumstances given his time of death and when he was actually found, it was difficult to get his body ready for burial…more than a week after his death, we had his funeral…definitely one of the saddest days I’ve experienced…just thinking about his girls and how they’re going to miss out on some of their best daddy years just made me really sad for them…not to mention his boys who are missing out on a really great pal…
Well, he was placed in his grave today, February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day. We still don’t really know what happened…it looks like we never will…I guess mysteries still do exist…
Now to my original quote at the start of this blog, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” Given this abrupt end to the life of my uncle Mark, I have had the occasion over the past few days to remember so much about him—things that I haven’t really thought about for a long time. You see, my aunt Faith (his wife and my mom’s younger sister) started dating Mark when I was around five or six years old…this means that I’ve basically had Mark in my life for as long as I can remember. Obviously we spent all of the holidays together, but we did so much more too. As a younger child, I used to always spend a week in Virginia with my mom’s parents. Whenever I was there, I knew I’d really be spending most of my time with Mark and Faith. I thought they were so cool. When they were just dating, my aunt and I would go visit Mark at work and take him lunch. I was the flower girl in their wedding when I was in second grade (and in true younger Jennifer fashion, I totally acted like a brat when it came to time take the pictures…at least I made it through the ceremony before acting out…) After they got married, we’d hang out at their house and play Nintendo after my grandparents went to bed. We really liked playing Mario, Rad Racer, and for some reason Jack Nicklaus golf. When I got a little older, we would always head to an amusement park when I was visiting. We normally went to King’s Dominion because it was so close to my grandparent’s house, but I remember one time we went to Busch Gardens. That was such an awesome trip. I think our car ride there was half the fun. Mark had a really great time doing impressions of all the people on the road that were from Ohio…he did a great Ohio accent…I’ve wanted to go back ever since, but never have. Mark would always ride whatever ride I wanted to…I’m not quite sure if he was just being nice, or if he was finally glad to have someone to ride rides with. We loved to play horse and football in the yard. Mark always had a way of making me feel like I was really great at football, even though I was just a girl…He had this awesome dog name P.D. (short for Puppy Dog…you may see now where I got the creative name for my cat…Kitty…). P.D. would always play football with us too…it was so fun. We’d play homerun derby sometimes and P.D. was definitely a great asset because he’d always go fetch the ball. I remember that Mark used to let me drive his truck…even though I was only in the fifth grade...I knew every time I went to my grandparent’s house I would be able to have a couple of driving lessons too. The first time he ever let me drive on the road was when I was 13…It didn’t really go so well, I remember getting pretty close the yellow line and then getting really scared. We had to pull over and switch places because I got so freaked out. We would take random trips to the dump from time to time. I think I mainly went because I knew we'd stop and get ice cream on the way home. He saved my "life" at my Aunt Ollie's funeral...it's a long story...He was probably the only person I’d ever let call me Jenni-poo. He was the first person to ever sing this random song that goes something like “Jennifer….Juniper….”…I’ve never actually heard the song before and I don’t think I want to now…It might erase his voice singing it. Unfortunately, once I started to get older, things seemed to change a little…we definitely weren’t as close as we used to be, but it was always really good to see him and catch up whenever we had the chance. I guess it’s true…”You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone…”
Rest in peace Mark…you will be missed…
~Blevins - out...
On Wednesday, February 4, my mom and my sister both called me after school. I knew immediately that something must be going on if both of them were calling back to back. In true “Jennifer” fashion, my cell phone was out of battery power, so I had to wait until I got in my car to call them back (so I could plug in my phone). Lindsay was the first person I got a hold of…she tells me, “I have some really bad news…” Of course, whenever you hear something like that, your mind starts racing. I’ve had these type of phone calls before…”Your dad’s in the emergency room with chest pains (aka two close proximity heart attacks)”…”Just wanted to let you know your Grandaddy’s in the hospital (aka he has a bleeding ulcer and will need multiple blood transfusions)”…”Your Grandma is going to be in the hospital for a while (aka she has a rare heart virus called endocarditis)”…None of these “bad” conversations began with the words “I have some bad news…” so, obviously, I’m freaking out. Then my sister asked me what I was doing. I told her I was in the car on my way home and she asked me if I wanted to call her back when I got home…To this I promptly said “Um…no…You need to tell me whatever it is now.” Lindsay went on to tell me that my uncle was found dead in his apartment…You could have knocked me over with a feather…to say I was shocked would be an understatement. I mean, he’s my uncle Mark. He’s not even that old (47)…how could he be dead…
Fast forward a few days…due to somewhat strange circumstances given his time of death and when he was actually found, it was difficult to get his body ready for burial…more than a week after his death, we had his funeral…definitely one of the saddest days I’ve experienced…just thinking about his girls and how they’re going to miss out on some of their best daddy years just made me really sad for them…not to mention his boys who are missing out on a really great pal…
Well, he was placed in his grave today, February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day. We still don’t really know what happened…it looks like we never will…I guess mysteries still do exist…
Now to my original quote at the start of this blog, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” Given this abrupt end to the life of my uncle Mark, I have had the occasion over the past few days to remember so much about him—things that I haven’t really thought about for a long time. You see, my aunt Faith (his wife and my mom’s younger sister) started dating Mark when I was around five or six years old…this means that I’ve basically had Mark in my life for as long as I can remember. Obviously we spent all of the holidays together, but we did so much more too. As a younger child, I used to always spend a week in Virginia with my mom’s parents. Whenever I was there, I knew I’d really be spending most of my time with Mark and Faith. I thought they were so cool. When they were just dating, my aunt and I would go visit Mark at work and take him lunch. I was the flower girl in their wedding when I was in second grade (and in true younger Jennifer fashion, I totally acted like a brat when it came to time take the pictures…at least I made it through the ceremony before acting out…) After they got married, we’d hang out at their house and play Nintendo after my grandparents went to bed. We really liked playing Mario, Rad Racer, and for some reason Jack Nicklaus golf. When I got a little older, we would always head to an amusement park when I was visiting. We normally went to King’s Dominion because it was so close to my grandparent’s house, but I remember one time we went to Busch Gardens. That was such an awesome trip. I think our car ride there was half the fun. Mark had a really great time doing impressions of all the people on the road that were from Ohio…he did a great Ohio accent…I’ve wanted to go back ever since, but never have. Mark would always ride whatever ride I wanted to…I’m not quite sure if he was just being nice, or if he was finally glad to have someone to ride rides with. We loved to play horse and football in the yard. Mark always had a way of making me feel like I was really great at football, even though I was just a girl…He had this awesome dog name P.D. (short for Puppy Dog…you may see now where I got the creative name for my cat…Kitty…). P.D. would always play football with us too…it was so fun. We’d play homerun derby sometimes and P.D. was definitely a great asset because he’d always go fetch the ball. I remember that Mark used to let me drive his truck…even though I was only in the fifth grade...I knew every time I went to my grandparent’s house I would be able to have a couple of driving lessons too. The first time he ever let me drive on the road was when I was 13…It didn’t really go so well, I remember getting pretty close the yellow line and then getting really scared. We had to pull over and switch places because I got so freaked out. We would take random trips to the dump from time to time. I think I mainly went because I knew we'd stop and get ice cream on the way home. He saved my "life" at my Aunt Ollie's funeral...it's a long story...He was probably the only person I’d ever let call me Jenni-poo. He was the first person to ever sing this random song that goes something like “Jennifer….Juniper….”…I’ve never actually heard the song before and I don’t think I want to now…It might erase his voice singing it. Unfortunately, once I started to get older, things seemed to change a little…we definitely weren’t as close as we used to be, but it was always really good to see him and catch up whenever we had the chance. I guess it’s true…”You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone…”
Rest in peace Mark…you will be missed…
~Blevins - out...
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